May 16, 2013

Blog Every Day in May | Day 16: My "lot" in life

I had written a good post to post and I accidentally deleted it and blogger auto-saved it as blank D: I'll do my best to recompose myself...

Anyways, I started off saying how I wasn't really familiar with the idiom "lot in life" as not too many people use it these days. I actually had to google it to try and understand it. Today's topic is to write about something difficult about your "lot in life" and how you are overcoming it.

Without touching on all the negative things in my life that some people may not have experienced—for I tend to get bitter about certain things—I decided to post something different and seems to be a constant difficulty that I'm always overbearing since I can remember (and is a bit more appropriate).

I find that I have difficulty sticking to routines—or rather I dislike them like nobody's business. I have a hard time developing "good" habits or maybe even just habits in general (i.e. diets, consistent exercising, sleep, washing my face, taking my vitamins, etc). I find routine boring and I like having different kinds of days. Of course there's still the old habits that have been ingrained in me since childhood that I won't break. It took my body 2 months to adjust to waking up at the same time for work every day. It took a physical toll on me unfortunately. Transitioning from college life was hard. Having an inconsistent schedule all of the time, including working part-time hours, made it hard. I love and miss those days of never knowing how the day will play out or the days when I could sleep in or skip a day of school because it wasn't necessary to attend.

Maybe it's because I tend to get bored of things very quickly. It may be lack of challenge or my lack of focus—or hell, I probably just have a short attention span. I found that in school and even now in work I tend to complete things quickly and ahead of schedule. Sometimes I even end up working ahead of everyone which made my teachers (and probably even some of my colleagues) very nervous. It's something I can't really turn off. It's natural to me. It's a gift and it's a curse. Even after I get used to something after a prolonged period of time, I find that I eventually reach a point where I dread it.

So how do I overcome this? I'm not sure. I've tried pacing myself, but my anxiousness for getting things done just kicks in and I just hone in on what I'm working on and achieve this weird "zen" state of concentration and work until it's done. However though, when it comes to working on anything creative involving me, I just can't do the same. Maybe because I know I have no deadline or expectations. Going with the flow isn't always an option for me. I see the same people on the subway to work every day and I realize that I'm just one of them. One of the cattle. I don't want my life to be this way. I enjoy spontaneity quite a lot and I accept almost any types of changes from the daily routines (dreadful 3 hour meetings included).

I guess that being said, I should find a way to incorporate some small, spontaneous changes into my day—whatever that may be. Even writing these blog posts every day have given me something to look forward to each day.


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